The Mis-Imprints of Embry Call
by n0vad0se
Summary: "Hi, I'm Lucy, may I take your order please?" Asked the girl serving us and that was when it happened. At least, I thought that was when it happened. I couldn't be quite sure. It was the same kind of feeling as the last time I thought I'd imprinted, despite the fact that it'd turned out to be trapped wind before... A short series of one-shots told to you by the one and only Embry.


**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga, or any of its original characters.**

**A/N: Hey everybody! (Hi Dr. Nick... ;D) Here's a little one-shot that I've been playing around with for a while, based on the idea that if you're horny and desperate to imprint then how can you tell the difference between finding your soulmate and finding a one night stand? This may turn into a short series of little stories but I'm not sure yet, but hang on in there! So yeah, here it is, through the eyes of Embry Call as he tells you about his many _mis_-imprints...**

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**The Mis-Imprints of Embry Call**

**1: Lucy Tassone**

**December 2010**

I never usually went to the mall.

It meant a four hour drive to Everett just to spend the afternoon pushing my way through obnoxious crowds of people who were far too loud and far too self-absorbed to be even remotely bareable, which wasn't exactly what I liked to call fun. But Quil had pleaded with me to come with him today so, for no apparent reason whatsoever, I'd agreed to go with him to the stupid mall.

You could call me a total moron right now if you wanted to but let me explain first.

Not even a year into his werewolf-hood Quil had imprinted on a little girl called Claire Young. This meant that what Claire wanted, Claire got - even if she didn't fully realize it yet. Recently Claire hadn't gotten really into painting and was determined to be a real artist one day (she's only seven-years-old, just so you know).

So Quil had dragged me all the way out here to get her some decent water paints because she'd mentioned in passing that she wanted to try out water painting.

Two months ago, I kid you not my friends, she wanted to be a zoologist. Quil had spent five hours the same day she told him in the forest, on his hands and knees, looking for all the different kinds of animals and bugs he could find.

Then she'd just laughed at him when he came back with several oozing splinters after his woodland search.

I don't even think I knew what water painting was when I was seven, let alone freaking zoology.

"This blows," I told Quil with a sigh. We had been standing in the same unmoving queue in some fancy stationary store for the past twenty minutes.

"Deal with it, Ringo," he replied, grinning at me.

I wasn't quite sure when the Beatles jokes had first started. Probably about two years ago when I decided to grow my hair out a little from the crop we shape-shifters usually adorned. I'd always had my hair long as a kid and I'd missed it like crazy during my first few years as a werewolf.

So apparently with a slightly shaggy hairdo I looked like all the members of 1960's pop group combined. Not to mention the fact I wasn't even remotely white.

"Seriously, man... I'm starving," I whined. Yes, I _whined_.

Quil looked at me hard for a moment and then buckled, like he always did when food was involved, "You're starving? I could eat a freaking horse right now!"

We looked from the queue ahead of us to the exit of the store, only ten yards or so away, and Quil just grinned that stupid grin of his. He tucked Claire's water paints onto the top shelf of a nearby display unit and we headed to find the food court.

Ahhhhhh.

My two favourite words in the entire world: food and court.

Put together? Perfection!

A woman tried to push past me and seemed to be taken aback at how hard my shoulder was when she shoved into my side. She glanced up at me with disdain and started grumbling to herself about the youth of today so I flipped her off and we continued on our journey to the wondrous food court.

"I hate this place," I told Quil as we descended the escalator.

"Hey man, you've got to admit this is more peaceful than back home though?"

He was right on that account. Our brothers were running around like headless chickens on the reservation at the moment. Jake had recently moved to Canada to be with the Cullens, ultimately meaning with Nessie, and his pack had fallen back to Sam's control. And now Emily was eight months pregnant and Sam wanted to stop phasing so that they could raise their family together properly, which left us wolves in crisis.

Without an Alpha how the hell could we still operate as wolf pack? Wolves always had a hierarchy, it was just how it was.

"I still can't believe they're making Seth takeover," I sighed. Seth had been put on the spot when the need for Sam and Jake to start moving on from pack life was first suggested back in February, seeing as all the elders seemed to think he was the new man for the job.

And, like the stupidly nice guy that he was, Seth had told them he'd do it. Such a _stupid, stupid, stupid_ nice guy.

He had even thrown away a baseball scholarship by faking a knee injury sometime before he graduated back in May, so that the residents of La Push wouldn't begin to speculate as to why he was choosing to stay on the reservation instead of going off to college and making a better life for himself.

"Someone's got to do it," Quil shrugged. "I sure as hell wasn't going to volunteer, Lennon. Would you have?"

I thought about this for a moment before deciding what I always decided when I thought about the possibility of becoming Alpha myself and the answer was a big fat _no_.

All of a sudden we were in the food court and I swear to God relief seemed to wash over me.

The smell of food made my eyes want to bulge out - I hadn't eaten anything in about three hours - and I was already walking in a daze over to the nearest food counter, Quil following quickly behind without fail.

"Hi, I'm Lucy, may I take your order please?" Asked the girl serving us and that was when it happened.

At least, I thought that was when it happened.

I couldn't be quite sure. It was the same kind of feeling as the last time I thought I'd imprinted, despite the fact that it'd turned out to be trapped wind before.

She was gorgeous, with long reddish brown hair and big blue eyes, and her voice was low and soothing. Oh damn, it made me feel calm.

But was this it?

Yes, I was sure. This must be what imprinting felt like.

I just wanted to kiss her and do everything else that kissing eventually led to with her.

_Lucy Tassone,_ I read her nametag over and over. Hmm. I didn't really like the name Lucy... Did you get to decide that when it came to imprinting? Whether you liked everything about them or if you could still see one or two flaws in their being?

And boy, oh boy, did she have a fantastic pair of knockers.

"Excuse me... Sir?" I looked up from her breasts to her eyes and saw that she was frowning at me.

"Yes!" I tried to answer confidently, finally deciding that I had in fact imprinted on the girl in front of me. "I'll just have an extra large pepperoni, thanks. Oh, and can you put tons of mushrooms on it, too?"

Quil let out a snort from behind. What the hell was his problem?

Lucy Tassone was just staring back at me like I was off my head on pot or something.

"Sir, you do realize that this is McDonald's... Right?"

Oh, God damn it. I offered her a sheepish smile.

And that was when Quil practically broke down on the floor right in the middle of the food court, crying with laughter.

Nope, I hadn't imprinted on her. I'd been wrong._ Again_.


End file.
